


just to keep you safe

by shiiro_kogane



Series: Banana Fish Fics [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Angst w/ a Happy Ending, Trust, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 01:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17819081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiiro_kogane/pseuds/shiiro_kogane
Summary: Ash tries to push himself before he’s ready and Eiji is there to tell him ‘it’s okay’.





	just to keep you safe

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so i have yet to actually finish banana fish (i’ve still got the last four episodes) and i’m already beyond traumatized, so i wrote this to make myself feel better (can’t wait to collapse into a heap of sobs and tears when i finally do finish it), but yeah. i’ve got more small ideas i wanna write in the future and so this will be part of a series. anyway, i hope y’all like this. i needed something soft to soothe my soul

Ash sits across his lap, Eiji laid flat across the bed with Ash’s thighs on either side of his waist. His hands rest carefully on Eiji’s chest, and he leans down just the slightest bit, blond bangs covering his eyes beneath shadows, but Eiji knows he’s looking at him, and so Eiji keeps his attention on Ash as well. He’s not entirely sure what’s going on, but he’s not worried, so he smiles gently.  

“I trust you, Ash,” he says, voice soft, just the barest whisper. He can feel Ash’s body stiffen over his, feel Ash’s nails bite into his chest from where he curls his fingers. “I trust you with everything.”

Ash can’t breath. He can’t think. He can’t even remember how they got into this position, but he knows he’s the one who initiated it which is the only reason he’s not having a full blown panic attack. Or at least, not _yet_. But hearing Eiji say that....

_I trust you, Ash. I trust you with everything._  

It’s too much for him. It’s too much power. Eiji is the most beautiful thing Ash has ever seen. So innocent, and everyday, Ash questions just how he got so damn lucky, and everyday, Eiji would smile at him and claim he was the lucky one. And this...this is too much. 

Ash isn’t allowed to have this much power, this much _control_ , not over anyone. Not over _Eiji_. Because trusting Ash is dangerous. Ash isn’t _worthy_ of trust, and Ash used to think Eiji was too quick to trust, but he was proven wrong. Eiji had simply chosen Ash to be the one he placed the care of his well-being in. And while Ash couldn’t, _can’t_ , understand why, he knows he’ll never take advantage of it. 

It’s almost like Eiji can hear the thoughts spiraling in Ash’s head, can sense the change in his demeanor, and Eiji feels slightly bad, but he knows he doesn’t want to rush this. Even if Ash feels the need to force that he’s ready, Eiji won’t let him do anything until he knows for sure that he is. So Eiji sits up and he carefully wraps his arms around Ash, drawing him closer even though there’s almost no way that’s physically possible. They’re already plastered together, separated only by the layers of clothing between them. But it’s enough. 

Eiji wraps his arms snuggly around Ash’s waist and Ash throws his arms around Eiji’s neck, burying his face in the crook of his shoulder, shaking just the slightest bit. 

“Take a deep breath, Ash.” Eiji says, voice just as calming as usual, and Ash lets it wash over him like cooling waves. No matter what happens, this is the true effect Eiji has over him. No matter what, no matter how strong or violent or terrible or painful Ash’s emotions get, Eiji can make it all go away in seconds. With a touch, a look, or even just his presence, and Ash can’t understand how he’s survived so long without this. 

“S-sorry,” he says, when he thinks he can finally control himself. He doesn’t move his face from where it’s tucked away, and Eiji shivers when Ash’s breath hits his skin, but it’s not bad. “I thought I could.”

Eiji almost doesn’t say anything for a second, but then he just smiles. “Shh, it’s okay. Let’s sleep.”  

It hasn’t really been that long of a day, a surprisingly calm one, given the lives they now live, but even with this, Ash can feel the exhaustion in his limbs weigh him down, and he lets his full weight drop onto Eiji, knowing Eiji can take it with no problem, and while Ash thinks he’ll never understand why Eiji chose him, he’ll never take it for granted. 

At some point, they’re laying across the bed, Ash’s head pillowed on Eiji’s stomach as he runs fingers through soft blond strands, and Eiji keeps it up, even when Ash’s breaths deepen and he falls off into sleep. Eiji keeps it up, because this is what he loves the most. He loves these moments, where Ash can relax, where he can let himself take time for himself. Where he’s content to just lay here and not have to worry about the risk of a gun being pointed at him, or a needle injecting the world’s most dangerous drug into his bloodstream. No...these are the times Eiji wishes he could freeze and just live in forever. Where he can keep Ash and himself safe. 

Sooner or later, Eiji’s hand stops moving and he falls asleep himself. It’s not till hours later that they wake up, Sing banging on the door demanding that he hang out with Eiji. It’s not till days later that Golzine is finally defeated, and Eiji sees Ash breathe his first breath of true freedom. It’s not till months later that Ash is finally ready for Eiji to touch him below the waist. It’s not till years later, that Ash watches Eiji and finally accepts the love that Eiji offers so freely. It’s not till then that Ash allows himself to think he’s worthy of everything Eiji has ever given him. 


End file.
